I like the not-so-quiet desperation of this post:
FOUND: Grey Tiger kitten (Back Bay Fens)
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: 2009-03-31, 6:42PM EDT
"So yea I found this little grey tiger kitten, in the back bay fens. He followed me back to my apartment and I let him in. Somone, did you lose a tiger? I am trying to find a home for this kitten cause i'm sick of feeding it and changing its damn litter. I don't have a lot of money this month for rent, phone bill, credit cards, etc to be feeding the mouth of this grey tiger. It also vomited on my nice wood floor and I had to clean it up. Please take this grey tiger off my hands so i dont have to spoon feed it all the time! It is being a moocher and I am sick of it expecting a free ride. I am an old man on a fixed income so to have to give this grey tiger food and changer litter I need something in return. I have given him a ne[w] name: "Free Ride". I am going to sell this kitten to the circus if no one claims it by the weekend. Please! Take this grey Tiger kitten off my hands! I am an old man. I am a Veteran. I am an old man on a fixed income. I am an old man. I am an old man."
As much as the (alleged) old man says he doesn't want this kitten, it already has a litter box, regular spoon-feeding sessions, and a name. And what an imagination, to threaten to sell the kitten to the circus — forcing it to become a trapeze artist or bareback rider? Is this a good opening scene for a Sam Shepard play, or what?