Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Warning: Not Suitable for Those Living in Less than 900 Square Feet

I know I should be out on the Common right now, standing with the rest of my fellow liberals and waving a sign that says something like "Obamo Is a Terrist." But I slept late. And I don't have a sign, or the makings of one. And with my luck, I'd get lost and end up up in the wrong group, mistaken for a Tea Partier. And with my luck, I'd end up on the front page of the Herald. Eww.

Enough excuses. What I really want to focus on today is porn. My kind of porn. The kind privately indulged in by many of us who have lived too long in small apartments.

You'll recognize us by the Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel catalogues stashed discreetly next to the bed.

I'm talking about storage porn. Like this:


It's the Pottery Barn Garrett Glass Cabinet. It's 52.5" wide, 18" deep, and a satisfying 78" high.  It's $1,499. It comes in black, espresso stain, and Ming red finishes. I like them all. Those sliding glass doors are a smart space-saver. And just look at how much stuff it holds. All easily accessible, all just waiting for me to come along and help myself at mealtime.

I wouldn't have to stand on a step-stool and take every single thing out, stacking it on the counter, just to reach my paisley dessert plates or my crystal sherbet glasses, which are currently buried deep inside my corner kitchen cabinets. I rarely use most of the great stuff I have because it's such a pain to get to it.

I can just imagine the pleasures of arranging all of my little collections of new and antique china and glassware in there, making a pretty still life on every shelf.

It's awesome. I want one.

I want two:


How about two in every color?

When our blood pressures return to normal, let's consider this:


A pantry. The ultimate china-storage dream come true. Plus: drawers! For silverware, utensils, knives, towels, linens, and those annoying boxes of Saran wrap. Imagine having more than one drawer. And, yes, I know that the top rows of those glass-fronted cabinets are out of my reach. But they're pretty and I don't CARE.

Phew. Man. I think I'll go take a walk now to clear my head. But wait, one more fantasy image for the road. I also dream of collecting all-white china....

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