Thursday, August 11, 2011

Romper Reality

If you're going to wear a romper, make sure you are well under 4 years old. Even 3 years is pushing it, unless you are very immature for your age.

If you're going to insist upon wearing a romper when you're closer to 20, make sure you only wear it indoors, away from windows.

If you're around 20 and you insist on wearing a romper outdoors, think twice about choosing a backless, string halter model with short-shorts in a red floral print. Especially if it's a size too small for you.

If you're going to insist on wearing the red, too-small, backless romper with short-shorts outside, don't wear your grungy, nude-colored bra under it. It will not provide modesty, it will bestow tackiness and provoke silent shrieks of disbelief from passersby. You may imagine that your long, blonde hair will hide that bra, but it won't. What you could do as an alternative is: put a tank top under the romper, and then button and belt an opaque (no clear vinyl, please), knee-length, trench coat over it, fully obscuring the romper.

If you reject that piece of advice, kindly consider this piece: When your bra straps keep falling down, quickly push them back up before gentlemen along your route begin offering to do it for you.

If you're going to wear your ratty, exposed bra with your backless, red-disaster romper in my neighborhood, please carry a guitar case along with that 2-liter bottle of soda you're clutching. That way, we can assure any reporters from national publications such as GQ that you are not, in fact, representative of Boston fashion —you're simply a teenaged Berklee summer school student, visiting from New Jersey for a few weeks.

2 comments:

  1. That IS a vision akin to sucking on a lemon!

    ReplyDelete
  2. We're just lucky that The Sartorialist is currently in Stockholm. Our reputation is safe... for now!

    ReplyDelete

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