Thursday, October 27, 2011

Cat Sports 101: Slacking

Wendy and Possum have taken up a new sport, Pairs Slacking. This sport's competitions are high-pressure, breathtaking and emotional — similar to those in figure skating. But here, the nitpicking international judges are looking for unison in lazy posing and an exquisitely lethargic attitude in each lounging couple.

Pairs Slacking isn't as easy as it looks. That table is hard.

The judging criteria include flopping down in unison, equal mastery of slacking technique, lack of energy, lack of choreography, lack of interpretation, sloppiness of pose, sleepiness of eyes, and graceful foot and tail positions. They get points for achieving all of that.

Points are deducted for seeming too alert or creative, excessive tail energy or ear movement, twitching, being startled by noise (a big challenge for Wendy), and falling or slipping off the slacking surface. Teams lose major points if there is more than one element in their program, i.e., they change position, or if they appear to have practiced too hard. It's a really tricky sport, I'm telling you.

Possum and Wendy have just started their training so they are still Beginners, at the pre-Juniors level, learning their first school figures and slumps. But in a few years, with plenty of coaching and long sessions of daily practice, their dream of competing in the next Cat Olympics might really come true.

Right now, though, we're not even sure when that will be, since the Cat Olympic officials are all heavily into Synchronized Slacking as a competitive team themselves and they might turn pro and start an international league (if they can muster the energy). And that's okay with me because Wendy's costumes will be so expensive.


  1. Cat slacking is certainly not a sport for slackers. Good work on the part of the APB feline staff.


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