Monday, December 19, 2011

Wreath Rebellion

After four days of wreath-decorating to the Garden Club's exacting standards, I'm in a rebellious mood when it comes to my own wreaths. This has nothing to do with the Club or their decorating rules; I love the challenge of making wreaths that are lovely and creative enough to please the "judges." It's just my nature to be contrary. So for our bedroom, I choose a wild-looking balsam wreath with branches sticking out everywhere. Instead of pruning it into a classic, subdued shape, I trim it just until it resembles a wreath, slap an old cranberry-red cotton bow on it, and call it done. It hangs above our bed; pine needles drift down on our pillows.

In the living room, I break more rules. Garden Club wreaths are supposed to have a big, "signature" bow. I skip the bow. I skip pruning all but the nuttier outcroppings of the wreath. A Garden Club wreath is supposed to be tastefully decorated using a variety of materials, preferably natural. In recent years, I've been covering our wreath with my growing collection of pinecones until there isn't much green visible. Pinecone madness would be a Garden Club no-no. This year, because of my injured hand, I skipped putting little colored glass balls wherever a hint of green was showing. It's too hard to squeeze them into those spots and it would hurt my thumb. Instead, I added more even pinecones.

So, for a couple of days, we had a purely pinecone wreath. But as I was going through drawers looking for Christmas things the other day, I came upon my stash of bogus red berries. I'd used some of these on several wreaths years ago. They are wired to sharp little picks that stay put wherever I stick them. So, what the heck, I used them all. Here's the result. It's by no means a Garden Club wreath; it's over-the-top by those standards. But we love it.

In other news, the plush teddy bear ornament was forcibly removed from our tree twice today by marauding opposition forces. The teddy bear did not sustain visible damage. I moved it to a higher branch, but I had tried that before.


  1. You must have neglected to take away her "Easy" button. In spite of how tragic this is, I had to grin, anyway. Maybe you should look for a vintage mimeo machine and a Selectric or Underwood, and let her crank out her important papers while building biceps.

    I am very fond of your charming berried pinecone wreath. Not allowing the cones to be used as unsecured IEDs is brilliant. You will never win the tree ornament battle given that the Master of the Order of the Cheese Patrol is ever vigilant in his command and control duties. Possum and Wendy are loyal lieutenants, and perhaps Snicky is a secret agent or double agent, even.

    I was "pining" for a couple of little bottlebrush trees (inedible, battable, and easily stowed), and couldn't find any in my travels. Behold, a bottlebrush "pine" wreath was left curbside over the weekend. It has sparkly pinecones wired into it, and after readjusting its many wires, I placed it at feline height for their perusal. Everyone had a rub on the bristles, deemed it boring and left it for me to rehang at my height. Ah, the thrills of decorating a la thrift and curb.

  2. Oh my, I love the cone wreath. I don't care for the big bows myself.
    When I read the bit about the copier, I got a familiar twist in my stomach, just so slightly, enough to remind me when I had a particularly rebellious, anti-social teen at home.
    Just do what you can, expect to lose some of the battles, and don't take any of it personally. You are dealing with the disease, not the person.

  3. Would she go for making a copy onto a thumb drive? You can at least get lots of documents on them and the things themselves are small. Or scanning it after she's signed it? Make it a scanner only with no printing.


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