Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Everything I Know I Did Not Learn from Possum

While we can learn much about living wisely and well from our animal roommates, some of their ideas should be ignored. Here are a few of Possum's theories and practices that I have rejected, and so should you:

1. Bathroom window shades are delicious. (None of those bite marks are mine.)

2.  Like to snack? Dip your paw in wet food and quietly smear it on the cabinets, walls, and fridge. If your people are lazy, it will be there later, when you're hungry.

3.  Starving? Lick the kitchen floor. (This usually gets Possum some kibble because he looks so pathetic. But if you try it, I won't fall for it.)

4.  Inside the refrigerator is the happening place to be.

5.  If your sister is resting conveniently nearby, it's probably so you can bite her.

6.  A large belly should be proudly exhibited at every opportunity:


7.  You can't take too many naps. (I'm still evaluating this one.)

8.  Vacuum cleaners, SodaStream machines, ironing boards, and whistling kettles only want to kill you. (He might have a point with some of these.)

9.   People who seem sound asleep are actually longing to give you attention. Walk around on them and nudge them with your cold, wet nose until they awaken to find that their dreams have just come true.

10.  It's okay to smack your elders on the head if you wear a thoughtful expression while doing it.

11.  Being adorable will get you far. (Works for him, never for me.)

4 comments:

  1. Just like that book of the similar name...'Get someone to clean your bathroom for you', hahameow! I think my adorableness got me out of a speeding ticket last week...

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  2. Possum licks the kitchen floor? I'm amazed! Our dog does this constantly, which drives my husband crazy. He asked me the other day, "Do cats do that?" and I said, "No, not that I've ever seen."

    Possum proves me wrong!

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  3. Possum doesn't lick the floor unless he finds a little food there. He flings canned food around when he eats with his paws and I don't always clean up after him in a timely manner. He makes sure we're watching when he assumes the role of "Poor, starving feral pussycat forced to lick bits off the floor."

    I have pointed out to him that a serious actor, like George Clooney, would lose a lot of weight to get skinny for such a role. Possum points out that we are not paying him a Hollywood salary, and his flabby "lion paunch" sways dramatically as he leaves the kitchen.

    ReplyDelete

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