Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Step, Step, Grapevine, Kick...

It seems that a troupe of tiny Eastern European folk dancers has rented space in my abdomen; they've been practicing up a storm since late last week. I can't hear their instruments,which must be tiny indeed, but I feel their intricate stepping in unison, which means they're perfecting a circle dance. I grew up around Croatians and I enjoy a lively kolo tune, but I'd rather be dancing it or watching it than serving as the floor.

I'd rather envision a dance troupe down there than an IBS attack, which feels the same but is less picturesque to imagine.

Either way, I feel crummy. Widespread cramps, back pain, even leg pain. The first sign was how much it hurt when Possum (who carries his extra pounds most attractively) curled up on me, although I couldn't refuse him. I stopped feeling like walking much yesterday. I spent a lot of today curled up in a ball, tolerating occasional visits from Possum.

It took me a few days to figure out what's going on and to change my diet accordingly. At first, I thought it was my gym workout, then the flu, and then a dramatic prelude to getting the "other kind of cramps." But I've only been off the Pill for three weeks or so, and realized that the math doesn't add up. (I'm expecting major hormonal turbulence, but I'm apparently still in a grace period that can last a month or two before my own hormones realize they're back in business and begin making life hell.)

Then I remembered that I'd gotten sick like this every couple of years or so, usually after eating airline (or airport) food. Ah, yes, those cramps, that pain. This is why I've been taking an expensive probiotic capsule called Align every day, for years. To prevent IBS attacks. No more evangelizing about Align.

What triggered it this time, I've been wondering. Could it be the divine chocolate layer cake I polished off for breakfast this morning? It's the only new thing in my diet. But how evil that something as lovely as chocolate cake could result in something as unpleasant as this. Life is SO unfair. At least my timing is good; the cake is gone.

I will have rice, mint tea, toast, applesauce, grapes, and bananas for the foreseeable. I would be enjoying the wonderful Greek avgolemono (chicken-egg-lemon) soup from Steve's on Newbury Street but they are closed for renovations. (I hope that isn't a euphemism for reopening as a sushi restaurant.)

I know from previous experience that I will not lose an ounce no matter how little I eat for the next few weeks. No worries about becoming emaciated. If only!

I'm going back to the sofa now. The dancers are done with their break.

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