Monday, September 30, 2013

It's Wendy's "Gotcha" Day & She Has Grievances

Wendy in a typical pose, indicative of her extreme daily suffering and stress.

Today we celebrate Wendy's 4th anniversary with us. We adopted her as a kitten from a feral rescue organization in Swansea, Mass. They told us that Wendy, her mother, and brother were living in a fast-food parking lot. (It was not a Wendy's.)

Wendy has regaled us with Lists of Her Grievances in past years, and we have been overdue for a new list. Today, she obliged me (for once) by providing this: 

1. Evil Mommy keeps bringing strange animals into this place. This year, she dumped two Bad Boys on me and Possum. I thought I Was Going to Die because they would Kill Me.

2. Those Bad Boys steal from My Food Dish because they eat their foods up really fast, like starving wolves. Whereas I Nibble Slowly and Daintily like a Lady. I am getting really thin.

3. When a Boy is eating in my Food Dish, Evil Mommy sometimes makes him stop. Then I have to run away because it's obvious that Evil Mommy is Going to Kill Me next. (Besides, it makes Evil Mommy look pretty stupid when no one eats the Foods.)

4. After all these years, Evil Mommy still talks to me in a high-pitched voice, like she's my mother, and she tries to Pet Me. And I think I am Going to Die. WHEN will Evil Mommy EVER learn?

5.  Sometimes, one of the Bad Boys snuggles with Daddy on his leather chair. And Daddy allows it even though there would be no Room for Me if I decided to jump up there and spend 20 seconds with Daddy myself. This is Really Selfish of Daddy.

6. Sometimes, Evil Mommy sits in Daddy's leather chair and I forget she's Evil and I jump up there for petting. And we both get Really Confused. It's very mean of Evil Mommy to sit where Daddy belongs. I'm busy and I can't Keep Track of Everything!

7. Sometimes the Bad Boy with the white nose plays with my Green Snakey, my most Precious Toy that I carry around when I sing. He puts it in the fireplace and other Stupid Places. I hate that there's Boy Germs on Green Snakey.

8. The Bad Boy with the brown face is a Total Criminal. I don't know why Possum likes him. He chases me, and I chase him back, and he likes it. It's Totally Mean and Unfair. 

9.  We only get fed four times a day.

10. Evil Mommy took me and Possum to the vet. (Daddy drove and went in, too, but Evil Mommy was behind it all, I just know.)  I thought I was Going to Die. Then we went home.

1 comment:

  1. oh sweet girl, you are a Tortie with tortitude in a calico body aren't you?? I hope you can come to understand the mommy isn't all that evil, she's just misunderstood..

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