"That is not food," said Toffee. "Food is not green."
"No, it's not food," said Lion. "You go away and I'll keep an eye on it."
"Nom, nom, nom."
This shows that Lion's eating habits are better than mine. Indeed, I feed my cats better than I feed myself.
I went for my annual check-up last month, having skipped a year. I'm still processing the results. For one thing, I grew. I always thought I was 5'4" but I'm 5'5". I checked my electronic health record and found that other doctors put me at 5'5", too. I suddenly feel willowy. Being taller instantly improves your BMI, too.
I also learned about a strange little brown spot on top of my ear. My doctor told me to watch it and I thought it fell off or went away a couple days later. It's hard to watch your ear: try it. But I saw it again last night. I'll off to the dermatologist tomorrow. It's tiny; I'm not alarmed. I'm too busy worrying about my liver.
Who thinks about their liver? Not me. I never, ever drink. I'm not overweight or diabetic, I don't have heart problems, I take just one medication. But my liver enzyme test was a bit elevated, so I had to have more tests a few weeks later. They were all abnormal; the repeat of the first test was much worse.
I've been through this before. About six years ago, I had a similar abnormal result. I met with a liver specialist, and had blood tests and an ultrasound, which showed "fatty liver disease." The doctor couldn't figure out why a slender, otherwise healthy teetotaler would have this, so we met for a few chats about my health habits, and eventually he decided to blame the estrogen in my birth-control pills.
I'm not taking those pills anymore. When my doctor got the blood test results, she ordered an ultrasound and sent me to a new specialist. The last time I'd had an ultrasound, the technician wouldn't talk to me; I believe she pretended she didn't understand English. Instead, she kept gasping audibly in shock as she looked at her screen. If you know me at all, you know I was practically elevating off the table in horror. It would have made a great Candid Camera episode. This time, I asked the technician to please not gasp, explained why, and she was properly horrified. And so it was only moderately terrifying.
When I met with the new liver specialist a couple of days later, she told me my ultrasound looked normal and ordered more blood tests. And then she told me that my liver damage is probably due to my dreadful eating habits. Because the more I told her about them, the worse they seemed to both of us.
More on this subject soon. But I'll just say that my cats eat better than I do.