Monday, November 24, 2014

Big & Sparkly

We found ourselves at the Home for Oversize Ornaments the other day, aka the Prudential Center:

They reminded me more of fancy beetle shells — or small, rococco VW Beetles — than Christmas ornaments.

Naturally, I wanted one.

Who makes stuff like this? These are gorgeous, beautifully crafted, and surely very expensive. Maybe the same companies that make Broadway and Hollywood stage sets do this on the side for all the malls and department stores. Or maybe there's an Acme Giant Xmas Ball Corp. out there. It has to be a seasonal business: malls don't go overboard with decorations at any time but Christmas.

And then the malls have to store all this stuff for most of the year. It's impractical. If I had a mall, I'd rent live reindeer and elves to wander around. It would be much simpler. Maybe I'd get some inflatable Santas, too. And there'd be a giant gingerbread house, which everyone could eat on January 2.

The more you look at these, the creepier they seem. They are disconcertingly big. Is this what happens when a box of Shiny-Brites takes steroids or non-human growth hormone?

Here they look like they've gotten organized, and are about to roll down the corridor to take over the streets of Back Bay:

I still want one.

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