We did it. We bought the new condo today. When we went to Fidelity early this morning to wipe out our savings and order the wire transfer for the closing, there was a big bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on the counter. I bent over it, inhaled, and stayed there for a while. Then I had a couple. That helped.
I managed to stay fairly well calm and well-behaved later, at the walk-through and signing of not one but two sets of mortgage papers at the lawyer's office.
And in the afternoon we went to look at the condo again. Ugh! I either seriously lack imagination these days, or I'm mentally unhinged, or I just really, really don't handle change well. Or I bought a place that's a disaster. Right now, I simply don't want to live there. I'm hoping this feeling, which feels real and intense, is just temporary, a stress reaction to a big change, that will pass as I get more used to the place. I hope this more for my poor husband's sake than for my one. He's trying to be excited about this big, long-anticipated purchase and I keep popping his balloons.
To me, it's tired and not really my taste. ("SO WHY DID YOU BUY IT?" you ask. Good question. "YOU LOOKED FOR SIX YEARS AND BOUGHT SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T LIKE???" you ask. I know! Go figure!)
My poor husband. He has put up with a lot in recent years and these last few weeks have been tough on both of us. But I'm the one making it tough on him. We should be celebrating. I am hoping this state I'm in dissipates. Soon.
But, seriously... it needs paint and repairs to a lot of wear and tear. It lacks charm and elegance, although my husband says I can create that. (We'll see.) It really needs new bathrooms. Lots of awkward details, shoddy materials and workmanship, and cheap finishes. No rich deep moldings, high ceilings, and big sunny windows as we have now.
What does it have? A great Back Bay address. It's on our favorite block of our favorite street. It has a nice private roof deck. It has friendly, responsible, quiet neighbors and lots of rules and regulations to keep it that way. It has lots of space — two living rooms and lots of long walls for bookcases.
If only I liked it! I'm working on it, I promise.