Sunday, July 16, 2017

Happy Birthday, Wendy!

Wendy turns 8 years old today. We don't know her actual birthday so we chose this day for her.

Here she is, having her supper tonight. Evil Mommy adjusted her food dish under her chin a couple of times to make life easier for her. As you can see, Possum photobombed us. I love that disgusted expression — she has food, and he doesn't.


Wendy kindly provided us with a list of grievances, as she often does on her birthday or Gotcha Day.

1. Evil Mommy is still alive. Why is that? She is always saying she is, "Dying for a milkshake," "Dying for a piece of chocolate cake," and "Dying for some warm chocolate chip cookies." But she almost never gets those things and she is still alive. It's wrong.

2. Evil Mommy sat on the edge of the bed last night to take off her sandals, and I was lying there having a rest because I was really, really tired from sleeping all day. So I didn't leap off the bed and take off like I usually do. I thought I was Going To Be Killed, but I wasn't Killed; she ignored me. I assume this is because she has plans to Make Me Die later in some more horrible and painful way.

3. There are way too many boy cats around here. The only thing worse than boy cats is girl cats. At least when Evil Mommy is fussing over them, as she does ALL the time, she can't try to Kill Me at the same time. Still, I would like to be the Only Cat around here. 

4. Possum still gets everything he wants. It's disgusting. He squawks at the humans and jumps in their laps, and he even smacks them, and they love it, and he gets treats and everything. Lion just has to meow to get whatever he wants. And Harris is the worst, slinking around their legs and mooshing his disgusting nose into their disgusting necks and ears and armpits. And Toffee just has to look at them and it's like they can read his mind. I'm ignored. I never get anything I want.

5. I wish I knew what I wanted.

6. I really Do Not understand why Evil Mommy is still around. She is really, really, super-old so this just cannot continue for much longer. I can't handle the horrible stress of having her around. You should try living with someone who is always about to Kill You and see how you like it. I Could Die at any moment and someday — just you wait! — I Will.

7. Evil Mommy and Daddy went away many times with suitcases recently, and left us by ourselves with only the cat sitter who came twice a day to feed us, play with us, take photos of us, and give us treats and catnip.  I sort of like her because I am fairly sure she is Not Going To Kill Me since she gets paid to feed me. The rest of the time it was lonely with just four stupid boys, although we had three empty boxes, and a pile of kraft paper to hide under, and that tunnel that makes Harris freak out. We also have about million toys. This went on a really, really long time. And then they came back!

8.  Sometimes I sit on the sofa cushions these days. It's a new adventure for me, and I am a fierce-brave cat. Sometimes, when I decide to sit on the cushions, Evil Mommy is lying on the sofa. And she reaches out and pets me without looking at me. I'm sure she thinks I am one of her stupid boy cats — otherwise she would Cause Me to Die, right? And so I have to sit there and purr, and try to act like a boy cat, and let her keep petting me, and this goes on, and I have to keep purring, and it's really horrible and I can't believe I am Not Dead from it. Living here is Awful.

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Wendy! Happy Birthday, sweet kitty! I'm not trying to kill you either...

    ReplyDelete
  2. “Good night, Wendy. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.”

    ReplyDelete

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